What if Shakespeare …..

What if Shakespeare was… on American Idol!


What if Shakespeare was on American Idol singing a heartbreaking love song for a place in the final?

If music be the food of love, play on, (play on, play on)

Give me excess of it (excess of it) [1]

For stony limits cannot hold love out, (cannot hold)

And what love can do, that dares love attempt [2]

The course of true love never did run smooth [3]


O my love! Here’s to my love (Oooooh my love! Here’s to my love) [4]

If thou canst / love me… I say to thee / that I shall die [5]

Take all my loves, my love, yea take them all (yea take them all, all, all) [6]

But love, for love, thus shall excuse my jade [7]

A lover’s eyes will gaze an eagle blind, / A lover’s ear will hear the lowest sound [8]


I love thee, I will not say pity me…

But I say, love me (But I say, looooovvve me) [9]

Canst thou love me? (Canst thou love me?) [10]

Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable beauty [11]

I love thee more and more: think more and more (think more and more) [12]


I have not art to reckon my groans;

But that I love thee best, O most best believe [13]

If thou dost love me [14] O joyful day! (joyful, joyful day) [15]

To say thou dost not [16] O, break my heart! (break, break, break)

Poor bankrupt, break at once! [17]


But I say, love me… [18]


In this city will I stay / And live alone and [19]

Write sorrow on the bosom of the earth [20]

Ay me!… and twenty times! Woe, woe / And twenty echoes twenty times cry so [21]


But I say, love me… [22]

For now my love… I know thou canst [23]


By Linda Nicoll



1          Twelfth Night I. i. 2-3

2          Romeo & Juliet II. ii. 916-17

3          A Midsummer Night’s Dream I. i. 140

4          Romeo & Juliet V. iii. 3037 & 65

5          Henry V V. ii. 3132-35

6          Sonnet 40, 1

7          Sonnet 51, 12

8          Love’s Labour’s Lost IV, iii. 1679-80

9          Merry Wives of Windsor II. i. 580-81

10        Henry V V. ii. 3176

11        Twelfth Night I. v. 464

12        Cymbeline V. v. 3498

13        Hamlet II. ii. 1216-18

14        Romeo & Juliet I. v. 943

15        Henry IV P II V. iii. 3539

16        All’s Well That Ends Well I. iii. 497

17        Romeo & Juliet III. ii. 1779

18        Merry Wives of Windsor II. i. 581

19        Henry VI P II IV, iv. 2570-71

20        Richard II III. ii. 1557

21        Venus and Adonis 855-6

22        Merry Wives of Windsor II. i. 581

23        Comedy of Errors II. ii 514 & 28

What if Shakespeare… won an Oscar?

What if Shakespeare won an Academy Award for Best Actor and gave an acceptance speech…

81st Academy Awards¨ Press Kit Images

Ay me! [1] every part about me quivers [2]. This poor heart of mine [3] trembling even at [4] the sound of [5] mine own name [6]. I have heard, but not believed [7], my thoughts are humbled all [8] as thou dost [9] surprise me to the brink of tears [10]. I humbly thank you [11]. Thanks my countrymen, my loving friends [12]. I thank my stars I am happy [13]. A proclaim’d prize [14] it is an honour that I have dreamed [15] of these many years [16].  For the nomination [17] hath so humbled me [18] and being a winner [19] by how much unexpected [20] carries beyond belief [21].

My son, quoth he [22], “if you have victory [23] speak the speech, I pray you, trippingly on the tongue” [24]. Methinks that [25] I am not able to [26]. I hath often dreamed of [27] certain speeches utter’d [28] in the looking-glass [29], but now I think [30] that strength of speech is utterly denied me [31] O, pardon me, my liege! But for my tears, / the moist impediments unto my speech [32].

But I prattle / something too wildly [33]. I will be brief [34].  To these great fellows [35] these competitors [36], let me commend thee first [37], the harder match’d, the greater victory [38]. The learned writer [39] not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked [40] He hath made his masterpiece [41].

The sounds of music / creep in our ears [42]. Where should this music be? [43]. They desire to [44] cut me off [45]. They shouted thrice [46] “bid him make haste” [47]. Tarry a little, there is something else [48]. This player here [49] is truly honoured [50]. A thousand thanks [51] for mine [52] statue in pure gold [53].

Words by Shakespeare – rearranged by Linda Nicoll


1              Romeo & Juliet: I. i. 185

2              Romeo & Juliet: II. iv. 1316-17

3              Venus and Adonis: 523

4              Henry IV P I: I. iii. 473

5              Coriolanus: I. vi. 643

6              Two Gentlemen of Verona: I. ii. 279

7              The Winter’s Tale: III. iii. 1507

8              Titus Andronicus: I. i. 56

9              Julius Caesar: I. ii. 296

10           Timon of Athens: V. i. 2438

11           All’s Well That Ends Well: III. V. 1720

12           Richard II: I. iv. 647

13           Twelfth Night: II. V. 1192

14           King Lear: IV. Vi. 2844]

15           Romeo and Juliet: I. iii. 451

16           Henry VI P I: II. iii. 870

17           Love’s Labour’s Lost: IV. ii. 1283

18           Two Gentlemen of Verona: II. iv. 794

19           The Taming of the Shrew: V. ii. 2695

20           King John: II. i. 372

21           Anthony and Cleopatra: III. vii. 2031

22           The Taming of the Shrew: I. i. 508

23           King Lear: V. i. 3073

24           Hamlet: III. ii. 18

25           Two Gentlemen of Verona: IV. Iv. 1917

26           Timon of Athens: III. ii. 1060

27           Much Ado About Nothing: II. i. 720

28           Henry VIII: II. iv. 1542

29           The Winter’s Tale: I. ii. 192

30           Cymbeline: III. Vi. 2158

31           Henry IV P II: IV. v 3113

32           Henry V: IV. v. 3034-35

33           The Tempest: III. i. 1345-46

34           Hamlet: II. ii. 1186

35           Anthony and Cleopatra: II. vii. 1540

36           Anthony and Cleopatra: II. vii. 1459

37           Coriolanus: IV. v. 2912

38           Henry VI P III: V. i. 2670

39           Much Ado About Nothing: III. v. 1639

40           Twelfth Night: III. iv. 1627-28

41           Macbeth: II. iii. 838

42           The Merchant of Venice: V. i. 2509-10

43           The Tempest: I. ii 550

44           Love’s Labour’s Lost: V. ii. 2029

45           Henry IV P I: IV. iii. 2544

46           Julius Caesar: I. ii. 318

47           Two Gentlemen of Verona: III. i. 1332

48           The Merchant of Venice: IV. i. 2251-52

49           Hamlet: III. ii. 1624

50           Rape of Lucrece: 461

51           Henry V: IV. iv. 2429

52           All’s Well That Ends Well: V. iii. 2766

53           Romeo and Juliet: V. iii. 3275

What if Shakespeare was a judge on Simon Cowell’s The X Factor?

PICTURE CONTACT HAYLEY CHAPMAN - 020 7633 2542William_Shakespeare

Will Shakes: What, one good in ten? [1] I am thoroughly weary [2] (Calls to the presenters – The Dromios) Who is next? [3]

Dromio of Syracuse: A pair of star-cross’d lovers [4]

Dromio of Ephesus: Juliet, and her Romeo [5]

(Romeo and Juliet enter and sing a duet of ‘My Heart Will Go On’ from the film ‘Titanic’)

Dromio of Syracuse: Most sweet voices! [6]

Will Shakes: Come, come, I’ll hear no more of this [7] A plague upon this howling! They are louder than / the weather [8]

Romeo: No more, you petty spirits of region low, / Offend our hearing; hush! How dare you! [9]

Will Shakes: Alas, sir, / In what have I offended you? [10] O, it offends me to the soul to hear a robustious periwig-pated fellow tear a passion to tatters [11] Her song was tedious and outwore the night [12] As for thee, boy, go get thee from my sight [13] Thy voice is dreadful thunder [14] (To The Dromios) How dost thou afflict me [15] I am hot with hast in seeking [16] a rare talent [17] and thou shalt find it [18] Dost thou hear? [19]

Dromio of Syracuse: I prithee, call in Falstaff [20] He shall be needful of your entertainment [21] (Enter Falstaff boasting of his talent)

Will Shakes: I’ll speak troth [22] Is not your voice your wind short, your thin double, your wit single, and every part about you blasted with antiquity? [23]

Falstaff: Thou shalt find [24] I am the greatest [25]

(He starts to sings ‘The Great Pretender’)

Will Shakes: Break off they song, and haste thee quick away [26] ‘Tis too horrible! [27]

Falstaff: Thou haught insulting man [28]

Will Shakes: Away! I do condemn mine ears that have / So long attended thee [29]

Falstaff: But thou anon shalt hear of me again [30] when thou shalt kneel [31]

Will Shakes: (To The Dromios) Away with him… Go, take him away, I say [32]

(The Dromios drag Falstaff behind the curtain. Loud shrieks are heard offstage)

Will Shakes: What shrill-voiced supplicant makes this eager cry? [33]

Dromio of Ephesus: ‘Tis ‘The Macbeths and The Three Cronies’ (Enter Macbeth, Lady Macbeth and The Three Witches singing ‘Highway to Hell’)

Will Shakes: I never heard a passion so confused [34] with strange and several voices / Of roaring, shrieking, howling, jingling, chains, / And more diversity of sounds, all horrible [35] You corrupt the song [36]

Macbeth: (To Will Shakes) My voice is ragged; I know I cannot please you [37]

Lady Macbeth: (To Macbeth) Screw your courage to the sticking-place [38]

Macbeth: (To Lady Macbeth) But, sure, I fear, we shall ne’er win him to it [39]

Lady Macbeth: Force perforce, I’ll make him yield the crown [40]

The Witches: All hail Macbeth! [41]

Lady Macbeth: Stop their mouths, let them not speak [42]

Macbeth: They do but jest [43]

Lady Macbeth: Talk not to me, for I’ll not speak a word: / Do as thou wilt, for I have done with thee [44] (Storms off the stage and Macbeth and the Witches run after her)

Will Shakes: ‘Tis a pity [45] I did like the lady well [46] Who is next? [47]

Dromio of Syracuse: A young gentleman [48]

Will Shakes: Is he disposed to mirth? I hope he is [49]

(Hamlet enters and stands motionless on the stage.  He is deep in contemplation trying to decide whether he should sing or not)

Will Shakes: Let’s see your song. How now, minion! [50]

(Hamlet does not sing)

Will Shakes: If thou hast any sound, or use of voice, / speak to me. [51]

(Hamlet looks as if he is about to sing, then suddenly stops, still torn)

So tedious is this day [52] Take him away [53]

(As The Dromios escort a conflicted Hamlet from the stage, The Rude Mechanicals loudly rush on from the wings)

Are you all resolved to give your voices? [54]

Bottom the Weaver: Thou shalt hear [55] Nick Bottom the Weaver [56] ten times louder [57]

(They sing ‘Moonshine’ by Bruno Mars)

Will Shakes: By my troth, yes; I count it but time lost to hear such a foolish song. God buy you: and God mend your voices [58]

Snug the Joiner: Alas, kind Lord [59]

Will Shakes: Nay, do not think I flatter [60]

Bottom the Weaver: We are glad [Mr Shakes] is so pleasant with us [61]

(The Mechanicals start to leave the stage, all very pleased with themselves)

Will Shakes: (Shouting after them) It is not so; thou hast misspoke, misheard [62] It was a disaster [63] Ay, I have lost my hopes [64]

Dromio of Ephesus: The event / Is yet to name the winner [65] (The Dromios proceed to shout out names of earlier contestants to Will Shakes)

Will Shakes:

[Henry V] By my troth, a good song [66] which I enjoy’d [67] But yet alas [68] too long-winded [69]

[Jacques] – So spiritless, / So dull, so dread in look, so woe-begone [70] too melancholy [71]

[Richard III] – Did ever raven sing so like a lark? [72] Yet nothing but songs of death [73]

[Goneril and Regan] – An excellent song [74] they did perform [75] but yet indeed [76] they are vipers [77]

[The Nurse] – My troth, a pleasant-spirited lady. [78] but yet she has [79] an ear –deafening voice [80]

Dromio of Syracuse: What say you [81] Prithee, who is’t that thou mean’st? [82]

Will Shakes: I now / Profess myself the winner [83] With promise of high pay and great rewards [84]

Words by Shakespeare – rearranged by Linda Nicoll


1          All’s Well That Ends Well [I. iii. 398]
2          Cymbeline [III. iv. 2183]
3          Henry IV PII [III. ii. 2022]     
4          Romeo and Juliet [Prologue 1, 6]
5          Romeo and Juliet, [V. iii. 3285]
6          Coriolanus [II. iii. 1545]
7          Troilus and Cressida [III. i. 1589]
8          The Tempest [I. i. 42-43]
9          Cymbeline [V. iv. 3243-44]
10        Henry VIII [II. iv. 1374-75]
11        Hamlet [III. ii. 1889-91]
12        Venus and Adonis [863]
13        Titus Andronicus [III. I 1424]
14        Love’s Labour Lost [IV. ii. 1251]
15        Richard III [V. iii. 3681]
16        King John [IV. iii. 2095]
17        Love’s Labour Lost [IV. ii. 1210]
18        King John [V. ii. 2464]
19        Hamlet [III. ii. 1941]
20        Henry IV P I [II. iv. 1100]
21        King Lear [II. iv. 1501]
22        Cymbeline [V. v. 3703]
23        Henry IV P II [I. ii. 505-07]
24        King Lear [I. iv. 837]
25        Romeo and Juliet [V. iii. 3198]
26        Measure for Measure [IV. i. 1801]
27        Measure for Measure [III. i. 1353]
28        Richard II [IV. i. 2243]
29        Cymbeline [I. vi. 770-71]
30        Troilus and Cressida [V. vi. 3535]
31        Pericles [V. i. 2434]
32        Henry VI P II [IV, vii. 2723-25]
33        Richard II [V. iii. 2654]
34        The Merchant of Venice [II. viii. 1083]
35        The Tempest [V. i. 2293-95]
36        All’s Well That Ends Well [I. iii. 398]
37        As You Like It [II. v. 832]
38        Macbeth [I. vii. 541]
39        Richard III [III. vii. 2286]
40        Henry VI P II [I. i. 270]
41        Macbeth [I. iii. 149]
42        Titus Andronicus [V. ii. 2484]
43        Hamlet [III. ii. 2128]
44        Romeo and Juliet [III. v. 2317-18]
45        The Winter’s Tale [II. i. 683]
46        All’s Well That Ends Well [IV. v. 2524]
47        Henry IV PII [III. ii. 2022]
48        Twelfth Night [I. v. 390]
49        Cymbeline [I. vi. 671]
50        Two Gentlemen of Verona [I. ii. 244]
51        Hamlet [I. i. 129]
52        Romeo and Juliet [III. ii. 1745]
53        All’s Well That Ends Well V. iii. 2811
54        Coriolanus [II. iii. 1457]
55        As You Like It [I. i. 24]
56        A Midsummer’s Night Dream [I. ii. 280]
57        Measure for Measure [II. iv. 1106]
58        As You Like It [V. iii. 2370]
59        Timon of Athens [IV. ii. 1655]
60        Hamlet [III. ii. 1935]
61        Henry V [I. ii. 409]
62        King John [III. i. 919]
63        All’s Well That Ends Well [III. vi. 1777]
64        Macbeth [IV. iii. 1871]
65        Cymbeline [III. v. 1963-64]
66        Much Ado About Nothing [II. iii. 895]
67        Richard III [I. iii. 546]
68        King Lear [I. i. 297]
69        Henry IV P I [III. iii. 2168]
70        Henry IV P II [I. I 127-28]
71        Pericles [II. iii. 878]
72        Titus Andronicus [III. i. 1289]
73        Richard III [IV. iv. 3337]
74        Othello [II. iii. 1208]
75        Henry VIII [I. i. 75]
76        As You Like It [I. ii. 388]
77        Troilus and Cressida [III. i. 1618]
78        Much Ado About Nothing [II. i. 716]
79        All’s Well That Ends Well [I. iv. 1206]
80        The Winter’s Tale [III. ii. 1192]
81        All’s Well That Ends Well [I. iii. 324]
82        As You Like It [I. ii. 212]
83        Cymbeline [II. iv. 1237-38]
84        Henry VI P III [II. i. 762]

What if Shakespeare…had the world’s worst CAT?

I cannot choose: sometime he angers me /With telling me of the mouldwarp and the ant, /Of the dreamer Merlin and his prophecies, /And of a dragon and a finless fish, /A clip-wing’d griffin and a moulten raven, /A couching lion and a ramping cat. [1] Some, that are mad if they behold a cat; /And others, when the bagpipe sings i’ the nose, /Cannot contain their urine. [2] I could endure any thing before but a cat, and now he’s a cat to me. [3] civet is of a baser birth than tar. [4] You fur your gloves with reason. [5]

Purr! the cat is gray. [6] Like the poor cat i’ the adage. [7] Since we have locks to safeguard necessaries, /And pretty traps to catch the petty thieves. [8] If the cat will after kind [9], pray you, sir, use the carp as you may. [10]

The cat, with eyne of burning coal, /Now crouches fore the mouse’s hole; [11] Yet, foul night-waking cat, he doth but dally. [12] Come on your ways; open your mouth; here is that which will give language to you, cat: open your mouth. [13] The cat will mew, and dog will have his day. [14]

A pox on him, he’s a cat still. [15] Hang off, thou cat, thou burr! vile thing, let loose, /Or I will shake thee from me like a serpent! [16] Zounds … a cat, to scratch a man to death! […] Why the devil came you between us? I was hurt under your arm. [17]

Shakespeare re-arranged by Zhan Zhang.


1) Henry IV, Part I [III. 1.1693-1698]

2) Merchant of Venice [IV. 1. 1980]

3) All’s Well That Ends Well [IV. 3. 2320]

4) As You Like It [III. 2. 1180]

5) Troilus and Cressida [II. 2. 1028]

6) King Lear [III. 6. 2049]

7) Macbeth [I. 7. 522]

8) Henry V [I. 2. 321]

9) As You Like It [III. 2. 1213]

10) All’s Well That Ends Well [V. 2. 2636]

11) Pericles [III. 0. 1123]

12) Rape of Lucrece 605

13) Tempest [II. 2. 1171]

14) Hamlet [V, 1.3638]

15) All’s Well That Ends Well [IV. 3. 2357]

16) Midsummer Night’s Dream [III. 2.1303]

17) Romeo and Juliet [III. 1. 1605-1609]

What if Shakespeare…were a PIRATE?


[The Pirate’s Code]

I must obey (1). I drink the air before me (2). I’ll confine myself no finer than I am. These clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots too. An they be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps (3). My commission is not to reason of the deed, but to do’t (4). When I was born: Never was waves nor wind more violent; and from the ladder-tackle washes off a canvas-climber (5).

Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore, So do (my) minutes hasten to their end; Each changing place with that which goes before, In sequent toil all forwards do contend (6). I am not such an ass, but I can keep my hand dry (7). My very walk should be a jig (8).

My stars shine darkly over me (9), (and yet) my bounty is as boundless as the sea (10), (upon which) my drink and good counsel will amend (11). Heigh, my hearts! Cheerly, cheerly, my hearts! Yare, yare! Take in the topsail. Tend to the master’s whistle (12).

Ships are but boards, sailors but men; there be land-rats and water-rats, land-thieves and water-thieves (13). (But I am a) notable pirate (14). One foot in sea, and one on shore, To one thing constant never (15).

Our legions are brim-full, our cause is ripe (16). On such a full sea are we now afloat, And we must take the current when it serves. Or lose our ventures (17). (We) must obey (18).

1) Twelfth Night, III. iv. 299
2) The Tempest, V. i. 102
3) Twelfth Night, I. iii. 129-131
4) Pericles, IV. i. 88-89
5) Pericles, IV. i. 63-66
6) Sonnet 60, 1-4
7) Twelfth Night, I. iii. 65-66
8) Twelfth Night, I. iii. 115
9) Twelfth Night, II. i. 2
10) Romeo and Juliet, II. ii. 133-134
11) Twelfth Night, I. v. 43-44
12) The Tempest, I. i. 9-12
13) The Merchant of Venice, I. iii. 19-21
14) Twelfth Night, V. i. 63
15) Much Ado About Nothing, II. iii. 46-47
16) Julius Caesar, IV. iii. 221
17) Julius Caesar, IV. iii. 228-229
18) Twelfth Night, III. iv. 299

(Shakespearrr re-arranged by Vineeta)

What if Shakespeare…were on the ISLAND OF MISFIT TOYS?

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

It’s the 1964 animated holiday classic, narrated by a sensible snowman named Sam (Burl Ives), who carries an umbrella, plays the banjo, and sports a tartan vest.

Really, who can resist the cute ostracized deer and his new-found friends, Hermy, the elf-turned-(self-proclaimed)-dentist, and Yukon Cornelius, “The Greatest Prospector of the North”?

In the winter holiday spirit, we thought we’d try something a little different –

Charlie:  Halt, who goes there?

Yukon Cornelius:  Us, of course.  Who’d ‘ya think?

Charlie:  Oh, well, then, that’s okay.  Okay!?  Who may I ask are you?

Rudolph:  We’re Rudolph, Hermy, and Yukon Cornelius, sir.  Who are you?

Charlie:  I’m the official sentry for the Island of Misfit Toys, toys of desperation, / Without more motive (1).

Hermy:  A Jack-in-the-Box for a sentry?

Charlie:  Yes, my name is –

Rudolph:  Don’t tell me [pause] “Jack.”

Charlie:  No, “Charlie.”  That’s why I’m a misfit toy.  My name is all wrong. No child wants to play with a Charlie-in-the-box, so I had to come here, this island / Where man doth not inhabit… / Being most unfit to live (2).

HermyWhat’s in a name? that which we call a rose / By any other name would smell as sweet; / So [Charlie] would, were he not [Charlie] call’d, / Retain that dear perfection which he owes / Without that title (3).

RudolphBanished I am (4), the red glow of scorn and proud disdain (5).

Yukon CorneliusSit still, and hear the last of our sea-sorrow (6).

HermyFirst, for his [pointing to Rudolph] weeping into the needless stream: / ‘Poor deer,’ quoth he [pointing to Yukon Cornelius] (7).

Yukon CorneliusHere in this island we arrived… (8)

HermyWe did, my lord, weeping and commenting / Upon the sobbing deer (9).

CharlieThere’s toys abroad: anon I’ll tell thee more (10).

RudolphLamenting toys / Is jollity for apes and grief for boys (11).

CharlieThat ‘banished,’ that one word ‘banished’ (12).

Rudolph: I’ll give thee armour to keep off that word: / …comfort thee, though thou art banished (13).

Original script written by Johnny Marks, interrupted occasionally by Shakespeare

Shakespeare re-arranged by Laboni

1) Hamlet, 1.4

2) The Tempest, 3.3

3) Romeo & Juliet, 2.2

4) Henry VI, Part II; 3.2

5) As You Like It, 3.4

6) The Tempest, 1.2

7) As You Like It, 2.2

8) The Tempest, 1.2

9) As You Like It, 2.2

10) King John, 1.1

11) Cymbeline, 4.2

12) Romeo & Juliet, 3.2

13) Romeo & Juliet, 3.3

What if Shakespeare…were a FRAUD?


[The Tudors’ secret police court, the Star Chamber. Enter JUDGE, PROSECUTOR, and QUEEN ELiZABETH I; SHAKESPEARE sits in chains in the centre of the room.]

Either you must
Confess yourselves wondrous malicious,
Or be accused of folly. (1)

An’t shall please your majesty, I never said nor
thought any such matter: God is my witness, I am
falsely accused by the villain. (2)

Ah, what’s more dangerous than this fond affiance!
Seems he a dove? his feathers are but borrowed,
For he’s disposed as the hateful raven:
Is he a lamb? his skin is surely lent him,
For he’s inclined as is the ravenous wolf.
Who cannot steal a shape that means deceit?
Take heed, my lord; the welfare of us all
Hangs on the cutting short that fraudful man. (3)

Madam, I was thinking with what manners I might
safely be admitted. (4)

I will not excuse you; you shall not be excus’d;
shall not be admitted; there is no excuse shall serve; you
not be excus’d. (5)

Then, I confess,
Here on my knee, before high heaven and you, (6)
I am alone the villain of the earth,
And feel I am so most. (7)
Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever, (8)
The fraud of England, not the force of France,
Hath now entrapp’d the noble-minded[.] (9)
Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;
Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word. (10)
It shall be fickle, false and full of fraud, (11)
Not to relent is beastly, savage, devilish. (12)
Thus do I ever make my fool my purse: (13)
And that the Earl of Surrey, with the rod. (14)
I told him what I thought, and told no more
Than what he found himself was apt and true. (15)

He said the truth: and what said Surrey then? (16)

To tell you true, I counterfeit him. (17)

Thou liest:
Within these forty hours Surrey durst better
Have burnt that tongue than said so. (18)

I am as true as truth’s simplicity
And simpler than the infancy of truth. (19)
The base
Shall top th’ legitimate. I grow; I prosper.
Now, gods, stand up for bastards! (20)

Will Fortune never come with both hands full,
But write her fair words still in foulest letters? (21)
Where wilt thou find a cavern dark enough
To mask thy monstrous visage? (22)

Demand me nothing: what you know, you know:
From this time forth I never will speak word. (23)

What, will you tear
Impatient answers from my gentle tongue?
Fie, fie! you counterfeit, you puppet, you! (24)

Tut, I have done a thousand dreadful things
As willingly as one would kill a fly,
And nothing grieves me heartily indeed
But that I cannot do ten thousand more. (25)

Lo, here, the hopeless merchant of this loss,
With head declined, and voice damm’d up with woe, (26)
And I, of ladies most deject and wretched,
That suck’d the honey of his music vows,
Now see that noble and most sovereign reason,
Like sweet bells jangled, out of tune and harsh; (27)
Foul devil, for God’s sake, hence, and trouble us not;
For thou hast made the happy earth thy hell; (28)
Take hence this jack, and whip him. (29)
Thou basest thing, avoid! hence, from my sight!
If after this command thou fraught the court
With thy unworthiness, thou diest: away!
Thou’rt poison to my blood. (30)

All my merry jigs are quite forgot,
All my lady’s love is lost, God wot:
Where her faith was firmly fix’d in love,
There a nay is placed without remove. (31)

The rest is silence. (32)


All words Shakespeare’s own, assembled by David Windrim.

Original Quotations:
(1) Menenius Agrippa, Coriolanus
(2) Thomas Horner, Henry VI Part 3
(3) Queen Margaret, Henry VI Part 3
(4) Lafeu, All’s Well That Ends Well
(5) Robert Shallow, Henry IV Part 2
(6) Domitius Enobarus, Antony and Cleopatra
(7) Helena, All’s Well That Ends Well
(8) Balthasar, Much Ado About Nothing
(9) Sir William Lucy, Henry VI, Part 1
(10) Luciana, The Comedy of Errors
(11) Venus and Adonis
(12) Duke of Clarence, Richard III
(13) Iago, Othello
(14) First Gentleman, Henry VIII
(15) Iago, Othello
(16) Richard III, Richard III
(17) Antonio, The Merchant Of Venice
(18) Cardinal Wolsey, Henry VIII
(19) Troilus, Troilus and Cressida
(20) Edmund, King Lear
(21) Henry IV, Henry IV Part 2
(22) Brutus, Julius Caesar
(23) Iago, Othello
(24) Helena, A Midsummer Night’s Dream
(25) Aaron, Titus Andronicus
(26) The Rape of Lucrece
(27) Ophelia, Hamlet
(28) Lady Anne, Richard III
(29) Antony, Antony and Cleopatra.
(30) Cymbeline, Cymbeline
(31) The Passionate Pilgrim

(32) Hamlet, Hamlet

What if Shakespeare…were an ARTIST?


Dost thou love pictures? We will fetch thee straight Adonis painted by a running brook, and Cytherea all in sedges hid (1). A thousand moral paintings I can show that shall demonstrate these quick blows of Fortune’s more pregnantly than words (2).

O proper stuff! This is the very painting of your fear (3). A Death’s-head or a memento mori (4). Have I frightened thee (5)?

What’s here? the portrait of (6) a virtuous gentlewoman, mild and beautiful (7). Here in her hairs the painter plays the spider and hath woven a golden mesh to entrap the hearts of me (8). Good my lord, forbear: The ruddiness upon her lip is wet; You’ll mar it if you kiss it, stain your own with oily painting (9).

For your many courtesies I thank you: I must discontinue your company (10). Inspiration of celestial grace (11) has struck (12); I wish (13) to create (14).

1)    The  Taming of the Shrew, Prologue, 193-6

2)     Timon of Athens, I.i, 110-12

3)     Macbeth, III.iv, 1347-8

4)     Henry IV, Part II, III.iii, 2036

5)     Henry IV, Part II, III,I, 1710

6)     The Merchant of Venice, II.ix, 1184

7)     The Two Gentlemen of Verona, IV.iv, 221

8)     The Merchant of Venice, III.ii, 1489-1492

9)     The Winter’s Tale, V.iii, 3384-7

10)  Much Ado About Nothing, V.i, 2262-3

11)  Henry VI, Part I, V.iv, 2711

12)  Henry V, IV.viii, 2735

13)  All’s Well That Ends Well, I.i, 180

14)  Henry VI, Part III, IV.iii, 2207

Shakespeare re-arranged by Lisa

Image: ClipArt ETC – Kantner Book of Objects 114

What if Shakespeare… ran a HALLOWEEN SHOP?

Something wicked this way comes…


“Come hither, come, come, come!” [1] “Be truly welcome hither” [2]. “Come, go in: / I’ll show thee some attires” [3]. “What is it you will see?” [4] “Be what thou wilt” [5]. “A Persian Prince” [6] “say you sir?” [7] “I like that well” [8].

“This new and gorgeous garment” [9] “fits the purpose passing well” [10]. “Quick, quick! we’ll come dress you straight: put / On the gown the while” [11].  “I do not like the fashion of your garments. / You’ll say they are Persian attire; but / Let them be chang’d” [12].

“Wouldst thou be” [13] “a gallant knight” [14], “attired like a warrior?” [15] “I’ll give thee, friend, / An armour all of gold” [16]. “It well befits you” [17]. “How like you this?” [18] “Pray you, look not sad” [19], “thou shalt have my best gown” [20].

(to attendant) “Come hither, sirrah” [21], “go fetch / My best attires” [22].

“Well, what would you say” [23] “the queen of all the fairies, / Finely attired in a robe of white” [24]. “I pray you, bear with me” [25]. “Fully satisfied” [26] “will I see thee by and by” [27].

(Aside) “Alack, alack, alack!” [28] “What should I do with him?” [29]

(to attendant) “Sirrah, a word with you” [30]. “Let’s go dress him / Like the witch of Brentford” [31].

“Good sir, draw near to me” [32]. “Behold and see” [33] “a wretched creature” [34], “spotted, detested and abominable” [35]. “So wither’d and so wild in their attire / That look not like the inhabitants o’ the earth” [36]. “What say you?” [37] “Is this the guise?” [38]

“Ay, those attires are best” [39]. “I shall give thee” [40] “a bloody mask” [41] “with great ragg’d horns” [42]. “Pray you, come near” [43], “I’ll tell you true” [44], “I am afraid, sir” [45], “to look upon the hideous” [46], “monstrous form” [47] “I see before me” [48].  “I pray thee, mark me” [49] – “with you in this garb” [50] “thou art assured” [51] “to fright the world” [52]. “And yet, I know thou wilt” [53] “win the prize” [54], “for thou look’st” [55] “second to none” [56].

Shakespeare re-arranged by Linda Nicoll

1. Anthony and Cleopatra [V. ii. 3441]
2. As You Like It [II. vii. 1096]
3. Much Ado About Nothing [III. i. 1179-80]
4. Hamlet [V. ii. 4027]
5. Henry VI. P I [V. iii. 2503]
6. The Merchant of Venice [II. i. 540
7. Cymbeline [IV. ii. 2794]
8. Pericles [II. v. 32]
9. Henry IV. P II [V. ii. 3292]
10. Titus Andronicus [II. iii. 819]
11. Merry Wives of Windsor [IV. ii. 2040-41]
12. King Lear [III. vi. 80-82]
13. Anthony and Cleopatra [IV. xiv. 3067]
14. Henry IV. P I [V. iii. 2901]
15. Cymbeline [V. iv. 3168]
16. Anthony and Cleopatra [IV. viii. 2816-17]
17. Henry IV. P II [III. ii. 1934]
18. As You Like It [III. ii. 1133]
19. Anthony and Cleopatra [III. ii. 2128]
20. Pericles [II. i. 741]
21. Measure for Measure [IV. ii. 1886]
22. Anthony and Cleopatra [V. ii. 3673-74]
23. All’s Well That End Well [II. v. 1348]
24. Merry Wives of Windsor [IV. iv. 2269-70]
25. As You Like It [II. iv. 729-30]
26. Henry VIII [II. iv. 1518]
27. Henry IV. P I [V. iv. 3073]
28. A Midsummer Night’s Dream [V. i. 2015]
29. Much Ado About Nothing [II. i. 426]
30. Macbeth [III. i. 1051]
31. Merry Wives of Windsor [IV. ii. 2055-56]
32. Comedy of Errors [V. i. 1436]
33. Anthony and Cleopatra [I. i. 16]
34. Julius Caesar [I. ii. 207]
35. Titus Andronicus [II. iii. 810]
36. Macbeth [I. iii. 140-41]
37. Pericles [II. i. 595]
38. Henry VI. P II [I. iii. 433]
39. Romeo and Juliet [IV. iii. 2549]
40. Anthony and Cleopatra [IV. xii. 2940]
41. Henry IV. P I [III. ii. 1960]
42. Merry Wives of Windsor [IV. iv. 2226]
43. Merry Wives of Windsor [III. iii. 1524]
44. Timon of Athens [I. ii. 582]
45. Taming of the Shrew [V. ii. 2589]
46. Henry IV. P II [II. iii. 1189]
47. Henry IV. P II [IV. ii. 2476]
48. Macbeth [II. i. 611]
49. The Tempest [I. ii. 189]
50. Hamlet [II. ii. 1456]
51. Sonnet 92 [2]
52. Henry VI. P II [III. ii. 1731]
53. Cymbeline [V. v. 3488]
54. Taming of the Shrew [II. i. 1195]
55. Pericles [V. i. 2323]
56. Comedy of Errors [V. i. 1430]

Shakespeare image: http://www.clipartmojo.com/shakespeare.html
Halloween image:  http://www.gograph.com/stock-illustration/tomb.html

What if Shakespeare…were a MUSICIAN?

Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments /Will hum about mine ears. [1] I heard a bird so sing,/ Whose music, to my thinking, pleas’d the King. [2] Give me some music; music, moody food / Of us that trade in love. [3] Play, music, then! Nay, you must do it soon. [4]

Come, give me an instrument.[5] Aha! Come, some music! Come, the recorders! [6] The music, ho! [7] …for love’s sake, to make no more noise with it. [8]

What poor an instrument [9] That knows no touch to tune the harmony. [10] I did… but loath am to produce so bad an instrument. [11] There is much music, excellent voice, in this little organ, yet cannot you make it speak. [12]

What, to make thee an instrument, and play false strains upon thee! [13] The gods are just, and of our pleasant vices Make instruments to scourge us. [14] No medicine in the world can do thee good. [15] Hence, vile instrument! Thou shalt not damn my hand. [16] May these same instruments never sound more! [17]

Shakespeare re-arranged by Zhan Zhang.


1) Tempest [III. 2. 1535]

2) Henry IV, Part II [V. 5. 3706-3708]

3) Antony and Cleopatra [II. 5. 1049]

4) Love’s Labour’s Lost [V. 2. 2103]

5) Troilus and Cressida [III. 1. 1581]

6) Hamlet [III. 2. 2178]

7) Antony and Cleopatra [II. 5. 1051]

8) Othello [III. 1. 1559]

9) Antony and Cleopatra [V. 2. 3688]

10) Richard II [I. 3. 462]

11) All’s Well That Ends Well [V. 3. 2906]

12) Hamlet [III. 2. 2246-2247]

13) As You Like It [IV. 3. 2069]

14) King Lear [V. 3. 3327]

15) Hamlet [V. 2. 3971]

16) Cymbeline [III. 4. 1797]

17) Coriolanus [I. 9. 814]