Julius Caesar

What if Shakespeare…were a WEATHER FORECASTER? (January Edition)

For Toronto, Ontario, Canada – January 7-13th

MONDAY:  Hideous winter… / Sap checked with frost and lusty leaves quite gone / Beauty o’ersnow’d and bareness every where (1). When clouds appear, wise men put on their cloaks (2).  High 0.

TUESDAY:  The blushing discontented sun / …perceives the envious clouds are bent / To dim his glory (3).  The more fair and crystal is the sky / The uglier seem the clouds that in it fly (4).  High 2.

WEDNESDAY:  Adding to clouds more clouds (5).  The winds grow high (6), the winds and persecutions of the sky (7).  High 5.

THURSDAY:   The sun breaks through the darkest clouds (8). To the brightest beams / Distracted clouds give way; so stand thou forth / The time is fair again! (9)  High 5.

FRIDAY:  A hot January (10) – This goodly summer with your winter mix’d (11).  The childing autumn, angry winter, change / Their wonted liveries (12). High 9.

THE WEEKEND – SATURDAY, SUNDAY:  Our day is gone; / Clouds, dews, and dangers come (13), cloud of winter showers (14), winter’s drizzled snow (15).  High 4 and 2.

1)  Sonnet 5

2)  Richard III, 2.3

3)  Richard II, 3.3

4)  Richard II, 1.1

5)  Romeo & Juliet, 1.1

6)  Henry VI, Part II; 2.1

7)  King Lear, 2.3

8)  Taming of the Shrew, 4.3

9)  All’s Well That Ends Well, 5.3

10)  Much Ado About Nothing, 1.1

11)  Titus Andronicus, 5.2

12)  A Midsummer Night’s Dream, 2.1

13)  Julius Caesar, 5.3

14)  Timon of Athens, 2.2

15)  Comedy of Errors, 5.1

Shakespeare re-arranged by Laboni

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Animals playing at Shakespeare!

Good morning all!

I saw this little guy getting all pensive and asking the big question and couldn’t resist posting!

Hamlet Eagle                                                                                                   Fig. 1

Here’s a few more cats I came across getting into character!

DiscontentNow is the winter of our discontent                                                        Fig. 2

 

CaesarEt tu, Brute!                                                                                      Fig. 3

romeo catBut, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?                          Fig. 4

Fig. 1  Hamlet [III. i. 1749] http://funnyanimalpicturescat.com

Fig. 2  Richard III [I. i. 2] http://shakespearecat.tumblr.com

Fig. 3  Julius Caesar [III. i. 1286] http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/shakespeare-kitty

Fig. 4  Romeo and Juliet [II. i 846] http://invisiblecats.com/

Posted by Linda Nicoll

What if Shakespeare…were a FRAUD?

Image

[The Tudors’ secret police court, the Star Chamber. Enter JUDGE, PROSECUTOR, and QUEEN ELiZABETH I; SHAKESPEARE sits in chains in the centre of the room.]

Judge:
Either you must
Confess yourselves wondrous malicious,
Or be accused of folly. (1)

Shakespeare:
An’t shall please your majesty, I never said nor
thought any such matter: God is my witness, I am
falsely accused by the villain. (2)

Queen:
Ah, what’s more dangerous than this fond affiance!
Seems he a dove? his feathers are but borrowed,
For he’s disposed as the hateful raven:
Is he a lamb? his skin is surely lent him,
For he’s inclined as is the ravenous wolf.
Who cannot steal a shape that means deceit?
Take heed, my lord; the welfare of us all
Hangs on the cutting short that fraudful man. (3)

Shakespeare:
Madam, I was thinking with what manners I might
safely be admitted. (4)

Prosecutor:
I will not excuse you; you shall not be excus’d;
shall not be admitted; there is no excuse shall serve; you
not be excus’d. (5)

Shakespeare
Then, I confess,
Here on my knee, before high heaven and you, (6)
I am alone the villain of the earth,
And feel I am so most. (7)
Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever, (8)
The fraud of England, not the force of France,
Hath now entrapp’d the noble-minded[.] (9)
Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;
Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word. (10)
It shall be fickle, false and full of fraud, (11)
Not to relent is beastly, savage, devilish. (12)
Thus do I ever make my fool my purse: (13)
And that the Earl of Surrey, with the rod. (14)
I told him what I thought, and told no more
Than what he found himself was apt and true. (15)

Judge:
He said the truth: and what said Surrey then? (16)

Shakespeare:
To tell you true, I counterfeit him. (17)

Queen:
Thou liest:
Within these forty hours Surrey durst better
Have burnt that tongue than said so. (18)

Shakespeare:
Alas!
I am as true as truth’s simplicity
And simpler than the infancy of truth. (19)
The base
Shall top th’ legitimate. I grow; I prosper.
Now, gods, stand up for bastards! (20)

Judge:
Will Fortune never come with both hands full,
But write her fair words still in foulest letters? (21)
Where wilt thou find a cavern dark enough
To mask thy monstrous visage? (22)

Shakespeare:
Demand me nothing: what you know, you know:
From this time forth I never will speak word. (23)

Queen:
What, will you tear
Impatient answers from my gentle tongue?
Fie, fie! you counterfeit, you puppet, you! (24)

Shakespeare:
Tut, I have done a thousand dreadful things
As willingly as one would kill a fly,
And nothing grieves me heartily indeed
But that I cannot do ten thousand more. (25)

Queen:
Lo, here, the hopeless merchant of this loss,
With head declined, and voice damm’d up with woe, (26)
And I, of ladies most deject and wretched,
That suck’d the honey of his music vows,
Now see that noble and most sovereign reason,
Like sweet bells jangled, out of tune and harsh; (27)
Foul devil, for God’s sake, hence, and trouble us not;
For thou hast made the happy earth thy hell; (28)
Take hence this jack, and whip him. (29)
Thou basest thing, avoid! hence, from my sight!
If after this command thou fraught the court
With thy unworthiness, thou diest: away!
Thou’rt poison to my blood. (30)

Shakespeare:
All my merry jigs are quite forgot,
All my lady’s love is lost, God wot:
Where her faith was firmly fix’d in love,
There a nay is placed without remove. (31)

The rest is silence. (32)

—————————————————————————-

All words Shakespeare’s own, assembled by David Windrim.

Original Quotations:
(1) Menenius Agrippa, Coriolanus
(2) Thomas Horner, Henry VI Part 3
(3) Queen Margaret, Henry VI Part 3
(4) Lafeu, All’s Well That Ends Well
(5) Robert Shallow, Henry IV Part 2
(6) Domitius Enobarus, Antony and Cleopatra
(7) Helena, All’s Well That Ends Well
(8) Balthasar, Much Ado About Nothing
(9) Sir William Lucy, Henry VI, Part 1
(10) Luciana, The Comedy of Errors
(11) Venus and Adonis
(12) Duke of Clarence, Richard III
(13) Iago, Othello
(14) First Gentleman, Henry VIII
(15) Iago, Othello
(16) Richard III, Richard III
(17) Antonio, The Merchant Of Venice
(18) Cardinal Wolsey, Henry VIII
(19) Troilus, Troilus and Cressida
(20) Edmund, King Lear
(21) Henry IV, Henry IV Part 2
(22) Brutus, Julius Caesar
(23) Iago, Othello
(24) Helena, A Midsummer Night’s Dream
(25) Aaron, Titus Andronicus
(26) The Rape of Lucrece
(27) Ophelia, Hamlet
(28) Lady Anne, Richard III
(29) Antony, Antony and Cleopatra.
(30) Cymbeline, Cymbeline
(31) The Passionate Pilgrim

(32) Hamlet, Hamlet

What if Shakespeare… ran a HALLOWEEN SHOP?


Something wicked this way comes…

Shakes-store

“Come hither, come, come, come!” [1] “Be truly welcome hither” [2]. “Come, go in: / I’ll show thee some attires” [3]. “What is it you will see?” [4] “Be what thou wilt” [5]. “A Persian Prince” [6] “say you sir?” [7] “I like that well” [8].

“This new and gorgeous garment” [9] “fits the purpose passing well” [10]. “Quick, quick! we’ll come dress you straight: put / On the gown the while” [11].  “I do not like the fashion of your garments. / You’ll say they are Persian attire; but / Let them be chang’d” [12].

“Wouldst thou be” [13] “a gallant knight” [14], “attired like a warrior?” [15] “I’ll give thee, friend, / An armour all of gold” [16]. “It well befits you” [17]. “How like you this?” [18] “Pray you, look not sad” [19], “thou shalt have my best gown” [20].

(to attendant) “Come hither, sirrah” [21], “go fetch / My best attires” [22].

“Well, what would you say” [23] “the queen of all the fairies, / Finely attired in a robe of white” [24]. “I pray you, bear with me” [25]. “Fully satisfied” [26] “will I see thee by and by” [27].

(Aside) “Alack, alack, alack!” [28] “What should I do with him?” [29]

(to attendant) “Sirrah, a word with you” [30]. “Let’s go dress him / Like the witch of Brentford” [31].

“Good sir, draw near to me” [32]. “Behold and see” [33] “a wretched creature” [34], “spotted, detested and abominable” [35]. “So wither’d and so wild in their attire / That look not like the inhabitants o’ the earth” [36]. “What say you?” [37] “Is this the guise?” [38]

“Ay, those attires are best” [39]. “I shall give thee” [40] “a bloody mask” [41] “with great ragg’d horns” [42]. “Pray you, come near” [43], “I’ll tell you true” [44], “I am afraid, sir” [45], “to look upon the hideous” [46], “monstrous form” [47] “I see before me” [48].  “I pray thee, mark me” [49] – “with you in this garb” [50] “thou art assured” [51] “to fright the world” [52]. “And yet, I know thou wilt” [53] “win the prize” [54], “for thou look’st” [55] “second to none” [56].

Shakespeare re-arranged by Linda Nicoll

1. Anthony and Cleopatra [V. ii. 3441]
2. As You Like It [II. vii. 1096]
3. Much Ado About Nothing [III. i. 1179-80]
4. Hamlet [V. ii. 4027]
5. Henry VI. P I [V. iii. 2503]
6. The Merchant of Venice [II. i. 540
7. Cymbeline [IV. ii. 2794]
8. Pericles [II. v. 32]
9. Henry IV. P II [V. ii. 3292]
10. Titus Andronicus [II. iii. 819]
11. Merry Wives of Windsor [IV. ii. 2040-41]
12. King Lear [III. vi. 80-82]
13. Anthony and Cleopatra [IV. xiv. 3067]
14. Henry IV. P I [V. iii. 2901]
15. Cymbeline [V. iv. 3168]
16. Anthony and Cleopatra [IV. viii. 2816-17]
17. Henry IV. P II [III. ii. 1934]
18. As You Like It [III. ii. 1133]
19. Anthony and Cleopatra [III. ii. 2128]
20. Pericles [II. i. 741]
21. Measure for Measure [IV. ii. 1886]
22. Anthony and Cleopatra [V. ii. 3673-74]
23. All’s Well That End Well [II. v. 1348]
24. Merry Wives of Windsor [IV. iv. 2269-70]
25. As You Like It [II. iv. 729-30]
26. Henry VIII [II. iv. 1518]
27. Henry IV. P I [V. iv. 3073]
28. A Midsummer Night’s Dream [V. i. 2015]
29. Much Ado About Nothing [II. i. 426]
30. Macbeth [III. i. 1051]
31. Merry Wives of Windsor [IV. ii. 2055-56]
32. Comedy of Errors [V. i. 1436]
33. Anthony and Cleopatra [I. i. 16]
34. Julius Caesar [I. ii. 207]
35. Titus Andronicus [II. iii. 810]
36. Macbeth [I. iii. 140-41]
37. Pericles [II. i. 595]
38. Henry VI. P II [I. iii. 433]
39. Romeo and Juliet [IV. iii. 2549]
40. Anthony and Cleopatra [IV. xii. 2940]
41. Henry IV. P I [III. ii. 1960]
42. Merry Wives of Windsor [IV. iv. 2226]
43. Merry Wives of Windsor [III. iii. 1524]
44. Timon of Athens [I. ii. 582]
45. Taming of the Shrew [V. ii. 2589]
46. Henry IV. P II [II. iii. 1189]
47. Henry IV. P II [IV. ii. 2476]
48. Macbeth [II. i. 611]
49. The Tempest [I. ii. 189]
50. Hamlet [II. ii. 1456]
51. Sonnet 92 [2]
52. Henry VI. P II [III. ii. 1731]
53. Cymbeline [V. v. 3488]
54. Taming of the Shrew [II. i. 1195]
55. Pericles [V. i. 2323]
56. Comedy of Errors [V. i. 1430]

Shakespeare image: http://www.clipartmojo.com/shakespeare.html
Halloween image:  http://www.gograph.com/stock-illustration/tomb.html

What if Shakespeare…were a SPORTS COMMENTATOR?

 

Image

A happy evening [1] and ye’re welcome all [2]. We first address toward you [3] that stay’d at home [4], and they that watch [5] from yonder [6] elsewhere / from me far off [7], a hundred thousand welcomes [8]. This great sport [9] is now the two hours’ traffic of our stage [10]. And mark thee [11] well worth watching [12].

And all that are assembled in this place [13] that wait [14] with bated breath [15], lend me your ears [16]. Hark! hark! what shout is that [17] among the crowd? [18] And, hark! they shout for joy [19]. Thus we are agreed [20] what sport tonight [21] you shall see [22].

Be the players ready? [23] Ajax is ready [24] And look you [25] Percy is already in the field [26]. With roaring voices [27] the shouting plebeians [28] bid the players make haste [29]. Hark, they roar! [30] loud shouts and salutations from their mouths [31]. Alas, what joy! [32] There are the players [33]. Aeneas is a-field [34.] At last, though long [35] now I see [36] Anthony is come into the field [37]. Then shall we have a match [38].

Ajax goes up and down the field [39]. On there, pass along! [40] He scores, he scores [41] This cheers my heart [42]. He knows the game [43] excellent well [44]. Hark, the game is roused! [45] Shouts and claps out-voice the deep mouth’d sea [46].

And then begin again and stop again [47]. The match [48] is tied [49]. Methought that Gloucester stumbled [50]. They stumble that run fast [51]. Let’s see the penalty, [52] who takes it? [53] The thrice-victorious Lord of Falconbridge [54]. No no, it cannot be! [55] he hath miss’d [56]. The people in the street cry [57] you base football player [58].

And then the people fell a-shouting [59]. But where’s the great Alcides of the field, / Valiant Lord Talbot, Earl of Shrewsbury [61]. He has been yonder [61] on the bench [62]. And in all this time [63] why he, of all the rest, hath never moved [64]. With open outcry [65] the crowd [66] call him forth [67], a most gallant fellow [68] to win this easy match [69]. Here he comes [70] once more unto the breach [71]. Hark! do you not hear the / people cry [72] roaring louder than / the sea or weather [73].

It grows very late [74], the sport is at the best [75] when none can call [76] – who loses and who wins; who’s in, who’s out [77]. My heart leaps [78] breathless and faint [79], I cannot bring / my tongue to such a pace [80]. But look thee here [81] brave Talbot [82] how he outruns the wind and with what care / he cranks and crosses with a thousand doubles [83.]

The game is up! [84] Victorious Talbot [85] now hath won the day [86]. Didst thou not hear their shouts? [87] The ways of glory [88] would scarce make that be believed [89]. Renowned Talbot [90] he hath done well in people’s eyes, / hearing applause and universal shout, / giddy in spirit, still gazing in a doubt / whether these pearls of praise be his or no [91].

The games are done [92] This had been cheerful after victory [93]. O my soul’s joy! [94] I saw not better sport these seven years’ day [95]. A thousand thanks and [96] fare thee well [97]. In celebration of this day [98] applause and loving shout [99] shall be heard [100] through the streets [101]. Why, then, good night indeed [102].

Shakespeare – re-arranged by Linda Nicoll

1.        Two Gentlemen of Verona [V. i. 2056]

2.       Coriolanus [II. i. 1113]

3.       King Lear [I. i. 204]

4.       Pericles [II. iv. 553]

5.       Rape of Lucrece [1626]

6.       Henry VI P I [III. ii. 1466]

7.       Sonnet 61 [13-14]

8.       Coriolanus [II, i. 1114]

9.       Henry VIII [I. i. 88]

10.     Romeo and Juliet [Prologue 1, 12]

11.     Henry IV P I [II. iv. 1196]

12.     Cymbeline [II. iv. 1257]

13.     The Comedy of Errors [V. i. 1841]

14.     Two Gentlemen of Verona [IV. ii. 1770]

15.     The Merchant of Venice [I. iii. 451]

16.     Julius Caesar [III. Ii. 1617]

17.     Troilus and Cressida [V. ix. 3619]

18.     Henry VIII [IV. i. 2481]

19.     Julius Caesar [V. iii. 2528]

20.     Anthony and Cleopatra II. vi. 1283

21.     Anthony and Cleopatra [I. ii. 57]

22.     All’s Well That Ends Well [III. Vi. 1824]

23.     Hamlet III. [I. i. 1986-87]

24.     Troilus and Cressida [III. iii. 1901]

25.     All’s Well That Ends Well [V. iii. 3032]

26.     Henry IV PI [IV. ii. 2443-44]

27.     King Lear [II. iii. 1265]

28.     Anthony and Cleopatra [IV. xii. 2942]

29.     Hamlet [III. ii. 1925]

30.     The Tempest [IV. i. 2008]

31.     Henry IV P I [III. ii. 1876]

32.     Henry VI P I [IV. iii. 2967]

33.     Hamlet [II. ii. 1452]

34.     Troilus and Cressida [V. iii. 3354]

35.     Taming of the Shrew [V. ii. 2489]

36.     All’s Well That Ends Well [I. iii. 492]

37.     Anthony and Cleopatra [IV. vi. 2713]

38.     All’s Well That Ends Well [V. iii. 2708]

39.     Troilus and Cressida [[III. iii. 2129]

40.     Anthony and Cleopatra [III. i. 1589]

41.     All’s Well That Ends Well [IV. iii. 2307]

42.     Henry VI P III [V. iv. 2870]

43.     Henry VI P III [III. ii. 1484]

44.     Hamlet [II. ii. 1279]

45.     Cymbeline [III. iii 1708]

46.     Henry V [V. Chorus, 2849]

47.     Richard III [III. v 2071]

48.     The Comedy of Errors [III. ii. 854]

49.     Sonnet 137 [8]

50.     Richard III [I. iv. 851]

51.     Romeo and Juliet [II. iii. 156]

52.     Love’s Labour’s Lost I. i. 126]

53.     Coriolanus [IV. vii. 3252]

54.     Henry VI P I [IV. vii. 2324]

55.     All’s Well That Ends Well [II. i. 601]

56.     Cymbeline [I. i. 20]

57.     Romeo and Juliet [V. iii. 3164]

58.     King Lear [I. iv. 615]

59.     Julius Caesar [I. ii. 315]

60.     Henry VI P I [IV. vii. 2317-18]

61.     Twelfth Night [II. v. 1043-44]

62.     Timon of Athens [IV. iii. 1702]

63.     As You Like It [IV. i.1877]

64.     Two Gentlemen of Verona [I. ii. 177]

65.     Romeo and Juliet [V. iii. 3166]

66.     Henry VIII [IV. i. 2481]

67.     Henry IV P I [V. ii. 1517]

68.     All’s Well That Ends Well [III. v. 1701]

69.     King John [III. I 1264]

70.     Coriolanus [II. iii. 1462]

71.     Henry V [III. i. 1092]

72.     Troilus and Cressida [I. ii. 372-73]

73.     The Winter’s Tale [III. iii 1596-97]

74.     Romeo and Juliet [III. iii. 2045]

75.     Romeo and Juliet [I. v. 748]

76.     Macbeth [V. i. 2162]

77.     King Lear [V. iii. 3138]

78.     Pericles [V. iii. 2573]

79.     Henry IV P I [I. iii. 357]

80.     Coriolanus [II. iii. 1476-77]

81.     The Winter’s Tale [III. iii. 1606]

82.     Henry VI P I [II. i. 694-95]

83.     Venus and Adonis [703-4]

84.     Cymbeline [III. iii 1708]

85.     Henry VI P I [II. iii. 900]

86.     Henry VI P III [IV. iv. 2257]

87.     Julius Caesar [V. iii. 2594]

88.     Henry VIII [III. ii. 2349]

89.     All’s Well That Ends Well [IV. i. 1959]

90.     Henry VI P I [IV. iii. 2039]

91.     The Merchant of Venice [III. ii. 1512-15]

92.     Julius Caesar [I. ii. 269]

93.     Henry IV P II [IV. ii. 2535]

94.     Othello [II. i. 975]

95.     Henry VI P II [II. i. 728]

96.     Henry V [IV. iv. 2429]

97.     All’s Well That Ends Well [II. i. 745]

98.     Henry VIII [IV. i. 2389]

99.     Richard III [III. vii. 2240]

100.   King John [I. i. 28]

101.   Anthony and Cleopatra [I. i. 64]

102.   Anthony and Cleopatra [III. x. 2099]

What if Shakespeare…were an INVESTMENT BANKER?

(On the brink of the current financial crisis) 

There is some ill a-brewing towards my rest, / For I did dream of money-bags to-night (1).  I greatly fear my money is not safe (2).  Say ‘tis not so (3).

I pray you sir! (4). I am not in a sportive humour now: / Tell me, and dally not, where is the money? (5). I beseech thee (6), answer me / In what safe place have you bestow’d my money? (7).

There is a written scroll! I’ll read the writing (8).  Mine eyes deceive me (9) It is not so; for how can this be true (10).  This paper has undone me: ‘tis the account / Of all that world of wealth I have drawn together (11).

‘Tis gone, ‘tis gone, ‘tis gone (12), melted into air, into thin air (13).

Alack the day! (14). Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he’s worth to season (15).

What hath been cannot be (16). You can fool no more money out of me (17). From this day forth (18) – Neither a borrower nor a lender be (19).

1          The Merchant of Venice [II. v. 865-66]

2          The Comedy of Errors [I. ii 270]

3          Anthony and Cleopatra [II. v. 1138]

4          All’s Well That Ends Well [II. ii. 863]

5          The Comedy of Errors [I.ii.58-59]

6          Anthony and Cleopatra [I. ii. 139]

7          The Comedy of Errors [I.ii.77-78]

8          The Merchant of Venice [II. vii. 1052]

9          The Comedy of Errors [V. i. 1773]

10        Love’s Labour’s Lost [V. ii. 2349]

11        Henry VIII [III. ii. 95-96]

12        Romeo and Juliet [I. v. 642]

13        The Tempest [IV. i. 81]

14        Romeo and Juliet [III. ii. 1760]

15        The Comedy of Errors [IV.ii.58]

16        All’s Well That Ends Well [I. i. 28]

17        Twelfth Night [IV. i. 2227]

18        Julius Caesar [IV. iii. 2030]

19        Hamlet [III. ii. 2091]

Shakespeare re-arranged by Linda Nicoll

What if Shakespeare…were a ZOOKEEPER?

Who doth desire to see (1) strange beasts (2)? Then follow me, and give me audience, friends. (3)

The rugged Russian bear, the arm’d rhinoceros, or the Hyrcan tiger (4) shall not harm thee, (5) [for] nature teaches beasts to know their friends. (6)

[Here is] the mournful crocodile (7). ‘Tis a strange serpent. … And the tears of it are wet. (8)

What trumpet’s that? (9) The elephant hath joints, but none for courtesy; his legs are legs for necessity, not for flexure. (10)

What, shall [you] seek the lion in his den (11)? A very gentle beast, of a good conscience. … Well roared, lion. (12) A king of beasts, indeed (13).

Come, let us go (14); [it is] about the sixth hour; when beasts most graze, birds best peck, and men sit down to that nourishment which is called supper (15).

1) Julius Caesar, II.i

2) As You Like It, V.iv

3) Julius Caesar, III.ii

4) Macbeth, III.iv

5) A Midsummer Night’s Dream, III.ii

6) Coriolanus, II.i

7) King Henry VI, Part II, III.i

8) Antony and Cleopatra, II.vii

9) King Lear, II.iv

10) Toilus and Cressida, II.iii

11) A Midsummer Night’s Dream, V.i

12) King John, V.i

13) King Richard, II, V.i

14) Much Ado About Nothing, IV.i

15) Love’s Labour’s Lost, I.i

Shakespeare re-arranged by Lisa

Image: ClipArt ETC – Heer, J. C. Guide to Lucerne (Lucerne: H. Keller’s Foreign Printing Office, 1907) 168