all’s well that ends well

What if Shakespeare was… on American Idol!

american_idol-show1

What if Shakespeare was on American Idol singing a heartbreaking love song for a place in the final?

If music be the food of love, play on, (play on, play on)

Give me excess of it (excess of it) [1]

For stony limits cannot hold love out, (cannot hold)

And what love can do, that dares love attempt [2]

The course of true love never did run smooth [3]

 

O my love! Here’s to my love (Oooooh my love! Here’s to my love) [4]

If thou canst / love me… I say to thee / that I shall die [5]

Take all my loves, my love, yea take them all (yea take them all, all, all) [6]

But love, for love, thus shall excuse my jade [7]

A lover’s eyes will gaze an eagle blind, / A lover’s ear will hear the lowest sound [8]

 

I love thee, I will not say pity me…

But I say, love me (But I say, looooovvve me) [9]

Canst thou love me? (Canst thou love me?) [10]

Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable beauty [11]

I love thee more and more: think more and more (think more and more) [12]

 

I have not art to reckon my groans;

But that I love thee best, O most best believe [13]

If thou dost love me [14] O joyful day! (joyful, joyful day) [15]

To say thou dost not [16] O, break my heart! (break, break, break)

Poor bankrupt, break at once! [17]

 

But I say, love me… [18]

 

In this city will I stay / And live alone and [19]

Write sorrow on the bosom of the earth [20]

Ay me!… and twenty times! Woe, woe / And twenty echoes twenty times cry so [21]

 

But I say, love me… [22]

For now my love… I know thou canst [23]

 

By Linda Nicoll

 

References:

1          Twelfth Night I. i. 2-3

2          Romeo & Juliet II. ii. 916-17

3          A Midsummer Night’s Dream I. i. 140

4          Romeo & Juliet V. iii. 3037 & 65

5          Henry V V. ii. 3132-35

6          Sonnet 40, 1

7          Sonnet 51, 12

8          Love’s Labour’s Lost IV, iii. 1679-80

9          Merry Wives of Windsor II. i. 580-81

10        Henry V V. ii. 3176

11        Twelfth Night I. v. 464

12        Cymbeline V. v. 3498

13        Hamlet II. ii. 1216-18

14        Romeo & Juliet I. v. 943

15        Henry IV P II V. iii. 3539

16        All’s Well That Ends Well I. iii. 497

17        Romeo & Juliet III. ii. 1779

18        Merry Wives of Windsor II. i. 581

19        Henry VI P II IV, iv. 2570-71

20        Richard II III. ii. 1557

21        Venus and Adonis 855-6

22        Merry Wives of Windsor II. i. 581

23        Comedy of Errors II. ii 514 & 28

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What if Shakespeare…had the world’s worst CAT?

I cannot choose: sometime he angers me /With telling me of the mouldwarp and the ant, /Of the dreamer Merlin and his prophecies, /And of a dragon and a finless fish, /A clip-wing’d griffin and a moulten raven, /A couching lion and a ramping cat. [1] Some, that are mad if they behold a cat; /And others, when the bagpipe sings i’ the nose, /Cannot contain their urine. [2] I could endure any thing before but a cat, and now he’s a cat to me. [3] civet is of a baser birth than tar. [4] You fur your gloves with reason. [5]

Purr! the cat is gray. [6] Like the poor cat i’ the adage. [7] Since we have locks to safeguard necessaries, /And pretty traps to catch the petty thieves. [8] If the cat will after kind [9], pray you, sir, use the carp as you may. [10]

The cat, with eyne of burning coal, /Now crouches fore the mouse’s hole; [11] Yet, foul night-waking cat, he doth but dally. [12] Come on your ways; open your mouth; here is that which will give language to you, cat: open your mouth. [13] The cat will mew, and dog will have his day. [14]

A pox on him, he’s a cat still. [15] Hang off, thou cat, thou burr! vile thing, let loose, /Or I will shake thee from me like a serpent! [16] Zounds … a cat, to scratch a man to death! […] Why the devil came you between us? I was hurt under your arm. [17]

Shakespeare re-arranged by Zhan Zhang.

References:

1) Henry IV, Part I [III. 1.1693-1698]

2) Merchant of Venice [IV. 1. 1980]

3) All’s Well That Ends Well [IV. 3. 2320]

4) As You Like It [III. 2. 1180]

5) Troilus and Cressida [II. 2. 1028]

6) King Lear [III. 6. 2049]

7) Macbeth [I. 7. 522]

8) Henry V [I. 2. 321]

9) As You Like It [III. 2. 1213]

10) All’s Well That Ends Well [V. 2. 2636]

11) Pericles [III. 0. 1123]

12) Rape of Lucrece 605

13) Tempest [II. 2. 1171]

14) Hamlet [V, 1.3638]

15) All’s Well That Ends Well [IV. 3. 2357]

16) Midsummer Night’s Dream [III. 2.1303]

17) Romeo and Juliet [III. 1. 1605-1609]

What if Shakespeare…LIVE-TWEETED WRITING HIS FIRST SONNET?

In honour of our upcoming Sonnets by Kids event – the most adorable Valentine’s idea of all time! – let’s imagine that Shakespeare was trying to preserve every moment of his creative process for the ages.

(NB: The Dark Lady is the name we give to the anonymous woman who inspired many of Shakespeare’s sonnets; Christopher Marlowe was Shakespeare’s only plausible rival among the Elizabethan playwrights, who died too young to reach his full potential. Anne Hathaway (!) was Shakespeare’s wife who lived far from London.)

Shakespeare Twitter

————————————————————————————————————–

DarkLady: @WillShakes Truly, I would the gods had made thee poetical. (1) #BoredofAvon

WillShakes: @DarkLady I do not know what ‘poetical’ is. Is it honest in deed and word? Is it a true thing? (2)

DarkLady: @MarloweFabulous @WillShakes D: What’s here? the portrait of a blinking idiot, Presenting me a schedule!  (3)

MarloweFabulous: @DarkLady @WillShakes virginity is peevish, proud, idle, made of self-love, which is the most inhibited sin in the canon. (4) #getoveryself

WillShakes: @DarkLady Assist me, some extemporal god of rhyme, for I am sure I shall turn sonnet. Devise, wit; write, pen! (5) #WritingUSonnets

DarkLady: I’ll believe as soon This whole earth may be bored. (6)

WillShakes: @DarkLady “From fairest creatures we desire increase, / That thereby beauty’s rose might never…” (7) — melt? break? fry? #wordchoicelesigh

WillShakes: Oh – die! “rose might never die” (should not have been so hard 😦 oh well)

WillShakes: (I have heard a sonnet begin so to one’s mistress.) (8) So it’s all about ‘we want more of you!’ 🙂

DarkLady: If thou say so, villain, Thou kill’st thy mistress. (9) Tush, none but minstrels like of sonneting! (10)

WillShakes: @DarkLady “But as the riper should by time decease, / His tender heir might bear his memory.”  (11) Better?

WillShakes: My sister wants me to talk about the “marriage of true minds” (12) – guess she missed mine. #hathawayfollies

MarloweFabulous: @WillShakes Thy marriage, sooner than thy wickedness. (13)

WillShakes: @MarloweFabulous You’re shallow, madam, in great friends; for the knaves come to do that for me which I am aweary of. (14) ;P

DarkLady: @WillShakes If you’re going to write this stop interrupting and explain what you mean, this is pretty abstract 😡

WillShakes: AAAGGHHH BACK TO WORK TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY THIS IS TITUS ALL OVER AGAIN #betterin1590

WillShakes: Where were we again – wait – hang on – ok, here we go, on a roll, just gonna post these as I get ’em:

WillShakes: @DarkLady “From fairest creatures we desire increase, / That thereby beauty’s rose might never die”(15) = there should always be more you!

WillShakes: @DarkLady “But as the riper should by time decease, / His tender heir might bear his memory.” (16) = it’s okay, you’ll have cute babies!

WillShakes: @DarkLady “But thou contracted to thine own bright eyes, / Feed’st thy light’s flame with self-substantial fuel,” (17) = oh no, you’re too vain to think about kids!

WillShakes: @DarkLady”Making a famine where abundance lies, / Thy self thy foe, to thy sweet self too cruel:” (18) = that means you might leave the world w/o your looks!

WillShakes: @DarkLady”Thou that art now the world’s fresh ornament, And only herald to the gaudy spring,” (19) = honestly lady, you’re life & beauty incarnate!

WillShakes: @DarkLady”Within thine own bud buriest thy content, And tender churl mak’st waste in niggarding:” (20) = so don’t ‘save yourself’ – there’s enough win for everyone!

WillShakes: @DarkLady”Pity the world, or else this glutton be, / To eat the world’s due, by the grave and thee.” (21) = better have kids or you’ll have wasted PERFECT GENES ;P

DarkLady: @WillShakes …It shall suffice, sir. (22) ;3  So rude, but so funny! It’s you all over, really.

DarkLady: @WillShakes I probably should get on the kids thing, considering my super-secret identity (you know)…usual time? 😉

WillShakes: I need to write more of these; so much easier than a whole play! #moneyfornothing

LizziesaurusRex: @WillShakes And that would set my teeth nothing on edge, Nothing so much as mincing poetry (23) – keep writing plays. Not a request.

WillShakes: @Lizziesaurus Rex My precious queen, forebear. (24) Side project it is. I’ll give it a title later. Maybe ‘The Alpha Sonnet’? Eh, just ‘Sonnet 1’ for now.

 

(Shakespeare rearranged/interpolated/mangled by David)

Sources:

(1) Touchstone, As You Like It (III.iii.1517)

(2) Audrey, As You Like It (III.iii.1518-19)

(3) Prince of Aragon, The Merchant of Venice (II.ix.1184-5)

(4) Parolles, All’s Well That Ends Well (I.i.146-8)

(5) Don Adriano, Love’s Labor’s Lost (I.ii.479-81)

(6) Hermia, A Midsummer Night’s Dream (III.ii.1085-8)

(7) Sonnet 1

(8) Duke of Orleans, Henry VIII (III.vii.1681)

(9) Cleopatra, Antony and Cleopatra, (IV.iii.1082-3)

(10) Biron, Love’s Labor’s Lost (IV.iii.1489-90)

(11) Sonnet 1

(12) Sonnet 116

(13) Countess, As You Like It (I.iii.358)

(14) Clown, All’s Well That Ends Well (I.iii.362-3)

(15) Sonnet 1

(16) Sonnet 1

(17) Sonnet 1

(18) Sonnet 1

(19) Sonnet 1

(20) Sonnet 1

(21) Sonnet 1

(22) Francis Feeble, Henry IV Part 2 (III.ii.2021)

(23) Hotspur, Henry IV Part 1 (III.1.1677-9)

(24) Antony, Antony and Cleopatra (I.iii.382)

What if Shakespeare…were a WEATHER FORECASTER? (January Edition)

For Toronto, Ontario, Canada – January 7-13th

MONDAY:  Hideous winter… / Sap checked with frost and lusty leaves quite gone / Beauty o’ersnow’d and bareness every where (1). When clouds appear, wise men put on their cloaks (2).  High 0.

TUESDAY:  The blushing discontented sun / …perceives the envious clouds are bent / To dim his glory (3).  The more fair and crystal is the sky / The uglier seem the clouds that in it fly (4).  High 2.

WEDNESDAY:  Adding to clouds more clouds (5).  The winds grow high (6), the winds and persecutions of the sky (7).  High 5.

THURSDAY:   The sun breaks through the darkest clouds (8). To the brightest beams / Distracted clouds give way; so stand thou forth / The time is fair again! (9)  High 5.

FRIDAY:  A hot January (10) – This goodly summer with your winter mix’d (11).  The childing autumn, angry winter, change / Their wonted liveries (12). High 9.

THE WEEKEND – SATURDAY, SUNDAY:  Our day is gone; / Clouds, dews, and dangers come (13), cloud of winter showers (14), winter’s drizzled snow (15).  High 4 and 2.

1)  Sonnet 5

2)  Richard III, 2.3

3)  Richard II, 3.3

4)  Richard II, 1.1

5)  Romeo & Juliet, 1.1

6)  Henry VI, Part II; 2.1

7)  King Lear, 2.3

8)  Taming of the Shrew, 4.3

9)  All’s Well That Ends Well, 5.3

10)  Much Ado About Nothing, 1.1

11)  Titus Andronicus, 5.2

12)  A Midsummer Night’s Dream, 2.1

13)  Julius Caesar, 5.3

14)  Timon of Athens, 2.2

15)  Comedy of Errors, 5.1

Shakespeare re-arranged by Laboni

What if Shakespeare…were an ARTIST?

Image

Dost thou love pictures? We will fetch thee straight Adonis painted by a running brook, and Cytherea all in sedges hid (1). A thousand moral paintings I can show that shall demonstrate these quick blows of Fortune’s more pregnantly than words (2).

O proper stuff! This is the very painting of your fear (3). A Death’s-head or a memento mori (4). Have I frightened thee (5)?

What’s here? the portrait of (6) a virtuous gentlewoman, mild and beautiful (7). Here in her hairs the painter plays the spider and hath woven a golden mesh to entrap the hearts of me (8). Good my lord, forbear: The ruddiness upon her lip is wet; You’ll mar it if you kiss it, stain your own with oily painting (9).

For your many courtesies I thank you: I must discontinue your company (10). Inspiration of celestial grace (11) has struck (12); I wish (13) to create (14).

1)    The  Taming of the Shrew, Prologue, 193-6

2)     Timon of Athens, I.i, 110-12

3)     Macbeth, III.iv, 1347-8

4)     Henry IV, Part II, III.iii, 2036

5)     Henry IV, Part II, III,I, 1710

6)     The Merchant of Venice, II.ix, 1184

7)     The Two Gentlemen of Verona, IV.iv, 221

8)     The Merchant of Venice, III.ii, 1489-1492

9)     The Winter’s Tale, V.iii, 3384-7

10)  Much Ado About Nothing, V.i, 2262-3

11)  Henry VI, Part I, V.iv, 2711

12)  Henry V, IV.viii, 2735

13)  All’s Well That Ends Well, I.i, 180

14)  Henry VI, Part III, IV.iii, 2207

Shakespeare re-arranged by Lisa

Image: ClipArt ETC – Kantner Book of Objects 114

What if Shakespeare… ran a HALLOWEEN SHOP?


Something wicked this way comes…

Shakes-store

“Come hither, come, come, come!” [1] “Be truly welcome hither” [2]. “Come, go in: / I’ll show thee some attires” [3]. “What is it you will see?” [4] “Be what thou wilt” [5]. “A Persian Prince” [6] “say you sir?” [7] “I like that well” [8].

“This new and gorgeous garment” [9] “fits the purpose passing well” [10]. “Quick, quick! we’ll come dress you straight: put / On the gown the while” [11].  “I do not like the fashion of your garments. / You’ll say they are Persian attire; but / Let them be chang’d” [12].

“Wouldst thou be” [13] “a gallant knight” [14], “attired like a warrior?” [15] “I’ll give thee, friend, / An armour all of gold” [16]. “It well befits you” [17]. “How like you this?” [18] “Pray you, look not sad” [19], “thou shalt have my best gown” [20].

(to attendant) “Come hither, sirrah” [21], “go fetch / My best attires” [22].

“Well, what would you say” [23] “the queen of all the fairies, / Finely attired in a robe of white” [24]. “I pray you, bear with me” [25]. “Fully satisfied” [26] “will I see thee by and by” [27].

(Aside) “Alack, alack, alack!” [28] “What should I do with him?” [29]

(to attendant) “Sirrah, a word with you” [30]. “Let’s go dress him / Like the witch of Brentford” [31].

“Good sir, draw near to me” [32]. “Behold and see” [33] “a wretched creature” [34], “spotted, detested and abominable” [35]. “So wither’d and so wild in their attire / That look not like the inhabitants o’ the earth” [36]. “What say you?” [37] “Is this the guise?” [38]

“Ay, those attires are best” [39]. “I shall give thee” [40] “a bloody mask” [41] “with great ragg’d horns” [42]. “Pray you, come near” [43], “I’ll tell you true” [44], “I am afraid, sir” [45], “to look upon the hideous” [46], “monstrous form” [47] “I see before me” [48].  “I pray thee, mark me” [49] – “with you in this garb” [50] “thou art assured” [51] “to fright the world” [52]. “And yet, I know thou wilt” [53] “win the prize” [54], “for thou look’st” [55] “second to none” [56].

Shakespeare re-arranged by Linda Nicoll

1. Anthony and Cleopatra [V. ii. 3441]
2. As You Like It [II. vii. 1096]
3. Much Ado About Nothing [III. i. 1179-80]
4. Hamlet [V. ii. 4027]
5. Henry VI. P I [V. iii. 2503]
6. The Merchant of Venice [II. i. 540
7. Cymbeline [IV. ii. 2794]
8. Pericles [II. v. 32]
9. Henry IV. P II [V. ii. 3292]
10. Titus Andronicus [II. iii. 819]
11. Merry Wives of Windsor [IV. ii. 2040-41]
12. King Lear [III. vi. 80-82]
13. Anthony and Cleopatra [IV. xiv. 3067]
14. Henry IV. P I [V. iii. 2901]
15. Cymbeline [V. iv. 3168]
16. Anthony and Cleopatra [IV. viii. 2816-17]
17. Henry IV. P II [III. ii. 1934]
18. As You Like It [III. ii. 1133]
19. Anthony and Cleopatra [III. ii. 2128]
20. Pericles [II. i. 741]
21. Measure for Measure [IV. ii. 1886]
22. Anthony and Cleopatra [V. ii. 3673-74]
23. All’s Well That End Well [II. v. 1348]
24. Merry Wives of Windsor [IV. iv. 2269-70]
25. As You Like It [II. iv. 729-30]
26. Henry VIII [II. iv. 1518]
27. Henry IV. P I [V. iv. 3073]
28. A Midsummer Night’s Dream [V. i. 2015]
29. Much Ado About Nothing [II. i. 426]
30. Macbeth [III. i. 1051]
31. Merry Wives of Windsor [IV. ii. 2055-56]
32. Comedy of Errors [V. i. 1436]
33. Anthony and Cleopatra [I. i. 16]
34. Julius Caesar [I. ii. 207]
35. Titus Andronicus [II. iii. 810]
36. Macbeth [I. iii. 140-41]
37. Pericles [II. i. 595]
38. Henry VI. P II [I. iii. 433]
39. Romeo and Juliet [IV. iii. 2549]
40. Anthony and Cleopatra [IV. xii. 2940]
41. Henry IV. P I [III. ii. 1960]
42. Merry Wives of Windsor [IV. iv. 2226]
43. Merry Wives of Windsor [III. iii. 1524]
44. Timon of Athens [I. ii. 582]
45. Taming of the Shrew [V. ii. 2589]
46. Henry IV. P II [II. iii. 1189]
47. Henry IV. P II [IV. ii. 2476]
48. Macbeth [II. i. 611]
49. The Tempest [I. ii. 189]
50. Hamlet [II. ii. 1456]
51. Sonnet 92 [2]
52. Henry VI. P II [III. ii. 1731]
53. Cymbeline [V. v. 3488]
54. Taming of the Shrew [II. i. 1195]
55. Pericles [V. i. 2323]
56. Comedy of Errors [V. i. 1430]

Shakespeare image: http://www.clipartmojo.com/shakespeare.html
Halloween image:  http://www.gograph.com/stock-illustration/tomb.html

What if Shakespeare…were a MUSICIAN?

Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments /Will hum about mine ears. [1] I heard a bird so sing,/ Whose music, to my thinking, pleas’d the King. [2] Give me some music; music, moody food / Of us that trade in love. [3] Play, music, then! Nay, you must do it soon. [4]

Come, give me an instrument.[5] Aha! Come, some music! Come, the recorders! [6] The music, ho! [7] …for love’s sake, to make no more noise with it. [8]

What poor an instrument [9] That knows no touch to tune the harmony. [10] I did… but loath am to produce so bad an instrument. [11] There is much music, excellent voice, in this little organ, yet cannot you make it speak. [12]

What, to make thee an instrument, and play false strains upon thee! [13] The gods are just, and of our pleasant vices Make instruments to scourge us. [14] No medicine in the world can do thee good. [15] Hence, vile instrument! Thou shalt not damn my hand. [16] May these same instruments never sound more! [17]

Shakespeare re-arranged by Zhan Zhang.

References:

1) Tempest [III. 2. 1535]

2) Henry IV, Part II [V. 5. 3706-3708]

3) Antony and Cleopatra [II. 5. 1049]

4) Love’s Labour’s Lost [V. 2. 2103]

5) Troilus and Cressida [III. 1. 1581]

6) Hamlet [III. 2. 2178]

7) Antony and Cleopatra [II. 5. 1051]

8) Othello [III. 1. 1559]

9) Antony and Cleopatra [V. 2. 3688]

10) Richard II [I. 3. 462]

11) All’s Well That Ends Well [V. 3. 2906]

12) Hamlet [III. 2. 2246-2247]

13) As You Like It [IV. 3. 2069]

14) King Lear [V. 3. 3327]

15) Hamlet [V. 2. 3971]

16) Cymbeline [III. 4. 1797]

17) Coriolanus [I. 9. 814]