What If Shakespeare…were a DENTIST?

Tooth Clip Art Welcome, young man (1). What! sigh for the toothache? Where is but a humour or a worm (2). Come, come, and sit you down (3). For there was never yet philosopher that could endure the toothache patiently (4).

Open your mouth (5). O horror, horror, horror (6)! Thou odouriferous stench! sound rottenness (7)! He lives upon mouldy stew’d prunes and dried cakes (8).

Give me that mattock and the wrenching iron (9).  [Strange and several noises of roaring, shrieking, howling, jingling chains, and more diversity of sounds, all horrible (10). Strange screams of death (11).] Be calm, be calm (12)!

The long day’s task is done (13); teeth as white as whale’s bone (14)! I will fetch you a tooth-picker now (15). Take leave until we meet again (16). Till then fair hope must hinder life’s decay (17).

1) As You Like It, V.iv, 256

2) Much Ado About Nothing, III.ii, 1223-4

3) Hamlet, III.iv, 2404)

4) Much Ado About Nothing, V.i, 2103-4

5) The Tempest, II.ii, 1171

6) Macbeth, II.iii, 835

7) King John, III.iv, 1410

8) Henry IV, Part II, II.iv, 1403

9) Romeo and Juliet, V.iii, 2959

10) The Tempest, V.i, 2296-98

11) Macbeth, II.iii, 825

12) Coriolanus, III.i, 1774

13) Antony and Cleopatra, IV.xiv, 3021

14) Love’s Labour’s Lost, V.ii, 2249-50

15) Much Ado About Nothing, II.i, 647

16) Henry VI, Part III, II.iii, 1070

17) Henry VI, Part III, IV.iv, 2258

Shakespeare re-arranged by Lisa

Image: http://www.clker.com/clipart-tooth.html

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