What if Shakespeare…were on the ISLAND OF MISFIT TOYS?

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

It’s the 1964 animated holiday classic, narrated by a sensible snowman named Sam (Burl Ives), who carries an umbrella, plays the banjo, and sports a tartan vest.

Really, who can resist the cute ostracized deer and his new-found friends, Hermy, the elf-turned-(self-proclaimed)-dentist, and Yukon Cornelius, “The Greatest Prospector of the North”?

In the winter holiday spirit, we thought we’d try something a little different –

Charlie:  Halt, who goes there?

Yukon Cornelius:  Us, of course.  Who’d ‘ya think?

Charlie:  Oh, well, then, that’s okay.  Okay!?  Who may I ask are you?

Rudolph:  We’re Rudolph, Hermy, and Yukon Cornelius, sir.  Who are you?

Charlie:  I’m the official sentry for the Island of Misfit Toys, toys of desperation, / Without more motive (1).

Hermy:  A Jack-in-the-Box for a sentry?

Charlie:  Yes, my name is –

Rudolph:  Don’t tell me [pause] “Jack.”

Charlie:  No, “Charlie.”  That’s why I’m a misfit toy.  My name is all wrong. No child wants to play with a Charlie-in-the-box, so I had to come here, this island / Where man doth not inhabit… / Being most unfit to live (2).

HermyWhat’s in a name? that which we call a rose / By any other name would smell as sweet; / So [Charlie] would, were he not [Charlie] call’d, / Retain that dear perfection which he owes / Without that title (3).

RudolphBanished I am (4), the red glow of scorn and proud disdain (5).

Yukon CorneliusSit still, and hear the last of our sea-sorrow (6).

HermyFirst, for his [pointing to Rudolph] weeping into the needless stream: / ‘Poor deer,’ quoth he [pointing to Yukon Cornelius] (7).

Yukon CorneliusHere in this island we arrived… (8)

HermyWe did, my lord, weeping and commenting / Upon the sobbing deer (9).

CharlieThere’s toys abroad: anon I’ll tell thee more (10).

RudolphLamenting toys / Is jollity for apes and grief for boys (11).

CharlieThat ‘banished,’ that one word ‘banished’ (12).

Rudolph: I’ll give thee armour to keep off that word: / …comfort thee, though thou art banished (13).

Original script written by Johnny Marks, interrupted occasionally by Shakespeare

Shakespeare re-arranged by Laboni

1) Hamlet, 1.4

2) The Tempest, 3.3

3) Romeo & Juliet, 2.2

4) Henry VI, Part II; 3.2

5) As You Like It, 3.4

6) The Tempest, 1.2

7) As You Like It, 2.2

8) The Tempest, 1.2

9) As You Like It, 2.2

10) King John, 1.1

11) Cymbeline, 4.2

12) Romeo & Juliet, 3.2

13) Romeo & Juliet, 3.3

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