What if Shakespeare…were a DOCTOR?

“Sit sir. You take things ill which are not so. [1] [You] have that within which passes show, these but the trappings and the suits of woe. [2]

Pray, be not sick! [3] Zounds, how [have you] the leisure to be [4] sick at the heart? [5] I will physic your rankness. [6]

That the lover, sick to death [7], should be a fool, whose skull Jove cram with brains! [8] Remove your thought, it doth abuse your bosom. [9] There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so [10]; so forget to think. [11]

[You] hath ta’en much pain [12] in the strength and height of injury [13] since you set up your rest ‘gainst remedy. [14]

Danger like an ague subtly taints, [15] [but this] is a rupture you may easily heal. [16]

Fetch me that flower. [17] Within the infant rind of this small flower poison hath residence and [18] medicine that’s able to breathe life into a stone. [19] Eat now, [20] [but] friend, you must eat no white bread; if you do, your teeth will bleed extremely. [21]

With good advice and a little medicine  [22] I would cure you [23], [but] you see it is a busy time with me [24], and so I pray you go in God’s name.[25]

Written by: Dr. W. Shakespeare, with brief consultation from gastronomist J. Fletcher.

Re-arranged by: Alex Benarzi

[1] Antony and Cleopatra II.ii

[2] Hamlet I.ii

[3] Cymbeline IV.ii

[4] 1 Henry IV IV.i

[5] Love’s Labour’s Lost II.i

[6] As You Like It I.i

[7] Love’s Labour’s Lost IV.iii

[8] Twelfth Night I.v

[9] Othello IV.ii

[10] Hamlet II.ii

[11] Romeo and Juliet I.i

[12] Henry VIII III.ii

[13] Comedy of Errors V.i

[14] All’s Well That Ends Well II.i

[15] Troilus and Cressida III.iii

[16] Measure for Measure III.i

[17] A Midsummer Night’s Dream II.i

[18] Romeo and Juliet II.iii

[19] All’s Well that Ends Well II.i

[20] The Two Noble Kinsmen III.iii

[21] The Two Noble Kinsmen III.v

[22] 2 Henry IV III.i

[23] As You Like It III.ii

[24] Much Ado About Nothing III.v

[25] 2 Henry VI I.iv



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