What if Shakespeare…were a CHEF?

Welcome! Welcome to Shakespies! Home of the best meals on this side of whatever Thames you are closest to! Sit./Sit, sir,/Nay then (1) – you may stand while you eat. Yes, it’s the list (2): it items all we have here. Allow me to explain to you our specials!

Apple pie

We use only goodly apple[s] rotten at the heart. (3) In the cauldron, boil and bake (4) until they are soft as air. (5)

We begin the crust with two grains of wheat hidden in two bushels of chaff. (6) Fret not, this is just a prologue to an egg and butter. (7) We mix in three pound of sugar (8) to give it that extra sweetness. And last, for a garnish, we crack a fusty nut with no kernel. (9) Price: 5 pennies

Beef pie

We provide a great meal of beef and iron and steel (10). Along with our fine beef and assorted metals, we throw in a handful or two of dried peas. (11) Warrant, there’s vinegar and pepper in’t. (12) We finely chop some midnight mushrooms (13) and throw them into the mix. Then we spice up this dish of chastity with rosemary and bay. (14) Price: 1 shilling

A salad for the health-conscious

We begin by sow[ing] lettuce…[and] have it sterile with idleness, or manured with industry, (15) and mix in olives of endless age. (16) For that exotic taste, we throw in purple grapes, green figs, and mulberries (17). We chop up a large onion to aid those whose breath with sweetmeats tainted are. (18) We dress it with the oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitae. (19). Price: 16 pennies.
This is just a sampling our sumptuous feast! So come to Shakespies: open from lovers’ food to morrow deep midnight! (20)

1. Anthony and Cleopatra. II.ii
2. Henry VIII. Iv.i
3. Merchant of Venice. I.iii
4. Macbeth. IV.i
5. Antony and Cleopatra. V.ii
6. Merchant of Venice. I.i
7. Henry IV. II.iv
8. Winter’s Tale. Iv.iii
9. Troilus and Cressida. II.i
10. Henry V. III.v
11. Midsummer Night’s Dream. IV.i
12. Twelfth Night. III.iv
13. Tempest V.i
14. Pericles. Iv.vi
15. Othello. I.iii
16. Sonnet 107
17. Midsummer Night’s Dream. III. I
18. Romeo and Juliet. I.iv
19. Comedy of Errors. IV.i
20. Midsummer Night’s Dream. I.i.

Valeo amici!


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